“I don’t want to be introduced to people for the first time on my wedding day”: Mother-in-law agrees to host couple’s wedding in her garden, feels entitled to invite 40+ strangers to their ceremony

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Mar 20, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Welcome, women of the World Wide Web! The wedding guest list can be a contentious topic when planning for the big day. Some couples are very firm about only inviting relatives and very close friends, but others have a little trouble knowing where exactly to draw the line.  Of course, you want all of the people most important to you present to celebrate your milestone, but if your parents are involved with the wedding planning, you might find that you have different notions of who is "important."
In our story today, a woman's future MIL starts inviting random people to her wedding. She likely feels a sense of empowerment because she has graciously agreed to host the happy couple's wedding in her garden, but she starts to push the boundary when the list of people the bride has never even met starts to exceed the guest limit by the dozens. Scroll down to get all the details.

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  • 01

    My FMIL keeps telling people that they are invited to my wedding and I'm at my wits end

    Cheezburger Image 10482974720
    via George Chambers from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My FMIL and I have a great relationship and have never had any previous issues whatsoever, but lately I feel like I want to scream at her. FH and I are
    via u/Hopeful_Breakfast_81
  • 03
    getting married next year at his parents garden where they host weddings so naturally they are really excited and have assisted us with planning in these early stages.
    via u/Hopeful_Breakfast_81
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10483033344
    via SatawatFoto

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    I never had an issue with them inviting some of their friends, especially the ones that my FH has grown up with and are like extended family to him, but it is slowly escalating into my in laws but mostly my
    via u/Hopeful_Breakfast_81
  • 06
    FMIL telling many of their friends to 'save the date' implying that they are invited. Most of these friend I have either never met before in 7 years and/or my FH has had nothing to do with them or hasn't spoken to them in years.
    via u/Hopeful_Breakfast_81
  • 07
    Last weekend we were at FH brothers girlfriend's (G) birthday party, they have only been dating for about 6 months, FMIL and FFIL have developed a relationship with G's parents in this time but myself and FH have only spoken to them once prior to the party. So G's mum, FMIL and I are having a conversation which goes:
    via u/Hopeful_Breakfast_81
  • 08
    G's mum: "how's wedding planning going OP?" Me: "pretty good, slowly but surely!" G's: mum: "that's good, it's not this year is it? G said you're doing your big holiday in a few months?" Me: "yes we didn't
    via u/Hopeful_Breakfast_81
  • 09
    want it have it this year so it's next year in Xmonth" G's mum: "good planning!" Goes on to say something else FMIL: "oh the wedding date is XX! Make sure to save the date and don't book a holiday for then!" Me: absolutely flabbergasted
    via u/Hopeful_Breakfast_81
  • 10
    0 21 27 28 Sove 22 the Date 23 29 30
    via Anthony Rosenberg

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 11
    I was completely shocked that my FMIL was inviting someone to her sons and FDIL's wedding that we don't know whatsoever and that they have only known for a few months. We also went over to their house last night in which they informed me that
    via u/Hopeful_Breakfast_81
  • 12
    there are only a 'few' people they need to add to our guest list since they were at a friends house the other night and were talking about our wedding. They listed off names and I hadn't heard of any of them in the 7 years I've known my in laws, and my FH had to be reminded who some of them were.
    via u/Hopeful_Breakfast_81
  • 13
    Apart from having the wedding on their property they have offered to cover the cost of flowers and to cover the cost of any of their 'extras' for their meal. I am very grateful for any contribution towards the wedding but I am the one putting in the majority (well over 20k) to cover the cost of food, drinks, furniture hire, entertainment, celebrant etc.
    via u/Hopeful_Breakfast_81
  • 14
    But it's not really about the money, as FH and I have planned to cap the guest list off at 120 people, and I calculated FMIL and FFIL's friends invited to be about 40 people! Plus a lot of these extra friends
    via u/Hopeful_Breakfast_81
  • 15
    were added after our engagement party (which we consulted them on the list as it was going to be the same guest list for the wedding), and the engagements party list was already at about 110 anyways.
    via u/Hopeful_Breakfast_81
  • 16
    At the end of the day I don't want to be introduced to people for the first time on my wedding day, or look around and think 'who are these people?! The thought devastates me. I feel bad if I say something since they are contributing to the wedding and I'm happy for the friends that my FH knows well to be
    via u/Hopeful_Breakfast_81
  • 17
    invited, but I really just want to put my foot down and tell them 120 is the limit no exceptions. I know they are just excited and don't mean to upset me but I don't think it's selfish of me to have a wedding that feels like my wedding, not a gathering of my in laws friends in which FH and I just so happen to be getting married at?
    via u/Hopeful_Breakfast_81

  • It sounds like MIL is using the special day to have her own friend and family reunion, and her own son's wedding is no more than an afterthought – the entertainment for the evening!

  • 18
    Entrance for Wedding guests only thank you
    via CTRPhotos

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 19
    au5000 Their child needs to have a strong conversation with them about you two as the couple's budget and expectations for your wedding. Let him fix this.
    via u/au5000
  • 20
    Fresh_Caramel8148 Yeah, this. I'm Curious what his take is and if he's actually willing to tell his mom to stop!
    via u/Fresh_Caramel8148
  • 21
    sarcastic-pedant Agreed. You need to talk to your fiance and agree how many of the 120 can be parent invites and limit them. Then he needs to tell them that he wants the majority of the guests
    via u/sarcastic-pedant
  • 22
    to be friends of the couple so they have x spaces to fill. Your family gets an equivalent, and the rest are friends and family. If you need a compromise, they can be evening guests (invited to the party after tbe sit down meal?).
    via u/sarcastic-pedant

  • Our protagonist's husband-to-be absolutely has to step up and confront his mother about her behavior. 

  • 23
    ETA this shouldn't be about them paying, it's about the proportion of guests who know and love you both.
    via u/sarcastic-pedant
  • 24
    MissDesignDiva Exactly! This is a problem for future husband to deal with, it's his time to either step up and deal with his mother, or prove himself to be a spineless mommas boy, to where it's clear his mom still has power over him. Could go either way honestly
    via u/MissDesignDiva
  • 25
    Hopeful_Breakfast_81 OP FH and I discussed this after what happened at G's birthday party and he reminded his parents what our guest count is and we are not comfortable going over this limit. This is when
    via u/Hopeful_Breakfast_81
  • 26
    they offered to cover the cost of some meals but we definitely need to chat with them again seriously that it's not about the money, it's about being surrounded by almost strangers on our wedding day that we don't want.
    via u/Hopeful_Breakfast_81
  • 27
    GrowFlowersNotWeeds If they countered his conversation with offering to cover for the extra plates, he did not make his intent clear, that the extra people are not welcome. He needs to clean up his talking points, practice them, and go
    via u/GrowFlowersNotWeeds
  • 28
    back and make himself extremely clear to his parents. They are NOT in charge of the guest list in any way shape or form at this point. It is on him to fix this. He better practice shining his spine right now.
    via u/GrowFlowersNotWeeds
  • 29
    Otherwise-Winner9643 The issue here is that it's in his parents garden, so they feel like it's also their event. Book and pay for an independent venue, then have your FH tell his parents you will be deciding the guest list together.
    via u/Otherwise-Winner9643
  • 30
    Alternatively, have your FH sit his parents down and say, "mom, brothers girlfriends parents are not invited, so now you have created an embarrassing situation for everyone. Please stop saying to people to save the date, because you're going to end up looking silly when we don't invite them."
    via u/Otherwise-Winner9643
  • 31
    Glass Translator9 This. Once you agreed to have it in their garden, you then involved them in 'having a say! To them, it's their party. Do I think it's a good boundary on their part? No. They should be deferring to their son.
    via u/Glass_Translator9
  • 32
    I personally wouldn't say anything other than nailing down the guest list further so that you stop the bl ding now. You don't want to get off on a wrong foot with MIL, believe me. They are already being somewhat generous.
    via u/Glass_Translator9
  • 33
    Unable_Pumpkin987 Exactly! You can't really tell people who they can and cannot invite to their own home, even if they are gracious enough to host an event for you in that home. That's part of what goes along with using someone's home as your venue.
    via u/Unable_Pumpkin987
  • 34
    Book a venue that you pay for and you and your fiance will have complete control over who is invited.
    via u/
  • 35
    txa1265 Where is Future Husband in all of this? If he is not taking the lead saying "Mom, STOP NOW, you will have 40 people TOTAL on your side including all of your families and friends and that is it PERIOD" then you have a FUTURE HUSBAND problem more than anything else.
    via u/
  • 36
    I would be very wary of getting married to someone who cannot make even the most basic stand with you, until they can do so.
    via u/
  • 37
    Putrid You6064 This was my in laws too. They invited a man that they had recently befriended at park..... THAT finally set me off. I told my husband enough is enough. So he basically told them to stop because our guest list was too big and they got upset. His mother is like "now i have to call a whole bunch of people and
    via u/
  • 38
    uninvite them." Throwing tantrums like a toddler about it. So i told her to not uninvite the guests since its ride and awkward but stop adding. I did however tell them to uninvite the new friend from the park though. They barely know him. Out of my entire wedding planning, they were the most stressful part for me.
    via u/

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family drama bride groom wedding party Wedding Invitation relationships parenting wedding couples mother in law entitled boundaries red flag Reddit weddings
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